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Once I worked as an operator on an old IBM 370/Model 138 mainframe at a local college. My position had been reclassified to fall into a new area outside of the I/S staff.

One day, my new supervisor entered the room and stared at the air conditioning unit directly behind me. He studied the two flashing lights for a few moments and asked what job it was currently processing. I killed my career by replying, "Actually, sir, it's cooling the room. The computer is over here."

Customer: "Look, look!!!!! Look what it's doing!!! Can you BELIEVE this?? Why is it doing that??"

Tech Support: "Sir, I can't see your computer, what is it doing?"

Customer: "WHAT??? Can't you figure it out?? LOOK AT MY COMPUTER SCREEN!!!!! You can see it, can't you?!"

I was doing Excel support at Microsoft (oh oh ... I said the "M" word ... lol) shortly after Win95 came out. Someone called and needed some help on Excel. He told me he had left the computer for a few minutes, and when he came back, the "devil" had "possessed" his computer. He told me it was bubbling all over the place, and the devil was in his monitor.  I told him to move the mouse. The devil left ...

... It was the screen saver !! LOL !!

Customer: "I can't seem to send any email."

Tech Support: "What are you doing to send it?"

Customer: "I write it down on a piece of paper, slide it into the slot on the front of my computer, and click on 'send mail'."

~ Thanks Smurk ~

A blonde woman went out to her mail box and looked in it, closed it again, and then went back into her house. A few minutes later, she went out and looked in the mail box again, then closed it and went back inside, once again empty-handed.

After several more trips, a watchful neighbor raking his grass commented, "You must be expecting a very important letter today!"

"No," the blonde woman answered, looking puzzled, "Actually I am working on my computer, and it keeps telling me that I have mail!"

~ Thanks Dana ~

I can't send an email ... Is the Internet full?

YOU MIGHT BE AN ENGINEER GEEK IF...

• The only jokes you receive are through e-mail.
• At Christmas, it goes without saying that you will be the one to find the burnt-out bulb in the string.
• Buying flowers for your girlfriend or spending the money to upgrade your RAM is a moral dilemma.
• Everyone else on the Alaskan cruise is on deck peering at the scenery, and you are still on a personal tour of the engine room.
• In college you thought Spring Break was a metal fatigue failure.
• The salespeople at Circuit City can't answer any of your questions.
• You are always late to meetings.
• You are at an air show and know how fast the skydivers are falling.
• You bought your wife a new CD ROM for her birthday.
• You can quote scenes from any Monty Python movie.
• You can type 70 words a minute but can't read your own handwriting.
• You can't write unless the paper has both horizontal and vertical lines.
• You comment to your wife that her straight hair is nice and parallel.
• You forgot to get a haircut ... for 6 months
• You go on the rides at Disneyland and sit backwards in the chairs to see how they do the special effects.
• You have Dilbert comics displayed anywhere in your work area.
• You have ever saved the power cord from a broken appliance.
• You have more friends on the Internet than in real life.
• You have never bought any new underwear or socks for yourself since you got married.
• You have used coat hangers and duct tape for something other than hanging coats and taping ducts.
• You look forward to Christmas only to put together the kids' toys.
• You own one or more white short-sleeve dress shirts.
• You see a good design and still have to change it.
• You spent more on your calculator than on your wedding ring.
• You still own a slide rule and you know how to work it.
• You think that when people around you yawn, it's because they didn't get enough sleep.
• You wear black socks with white tennis shoes (or vice versa).
• You window shop at Radio Shack.
• You're in the back seat of your car, she's looking wistfully at the moon, and you're trying to locate a geosynchronous satellite.
• You know what the geosynchronous satellite function is.
• Your checkbook always balances.
• Your wife hasn't the foggiest idea what you do at work.
• Your wrist watch has more computing power than a 300Mhz Pentium II.
• You've already calculated how much you make per second.
• Your laptop computer costs more than your car.

~ Thanks Smurk ~

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