Visitors since September 06/99

Page last updated April 19, 2001


Once I worked as an operator on an old IBM 370/Model 138 mainframe at a local college. My position had been reclassified to fall into a new area outside of the I/S staff.

One day, my new supervisor entered the room and stared at the air conditioning unit directly behind me. He studied the two flashing lights for a few moments and asked what job it was currently processing. I killed my career by replying, "Actually, sir, it's cooling the room. The computer is over here."

Customer: "Look, look!!!!! Look what it's doing!!! Can you BELIEVE this?? Why is it doing that??"

Tech Support: "Sir, I can't see your computer, what is it doing?"

Customer: "WHAT??? Can't you figure it out?? LOOK AT MY COMPUTER SCREEN!!!!! You can see it, can't you?!"

I was doing Excel support at Microsoft (oh oh ... I said the "M" word ... lol) shortly after Win95 came out. Someone called and needed some help on Excel. He told me he had left the computer for a few minutes, and when he came back, the "devil" had "possessed" his computer. He told me it was bubbling all over the place, and the devil was in his monitor.  I told him to move the mouse. The devil left ...

... It was the screen saver !! LOL !!

Customer: "I can't seem to send any email."

Tech Support: "What are you doing to send it?"

Customer: "I write it down on a piece of paper, slide it into the slot on the front of my computer, and click on 'send mail'."

~ Thanks Smurk ~


A blonde woman went out to her mail box and looked in it, closed it again, and then went back into her house. A few minutes later, she went out and looked in the mail box again, then closed it and went back inside, once again empty-handed.

After several more trips, a watchful neighbor raking his grass commented, "You must be expecting a very important letter today!"

"No," the blonde woman answered, looking puzzled, "Actually I am working on my computer, and it keeps telling me that I have mail!"

Bite me !!! LOL

~ Thanks Dana ~


I can't send an email ... Is the Internet full?



  • The only jokes you receive are through e-mail.
  • At Christmas, it goes without saying that you will be the one to find the burnt-out bulb in the string.
  • Buying flowers for your girlfriend or spending the money to upgrade your RAM is a moral dilemma.
  • Everyone else on the Alaskan cruise is on deck peering at the scenery, and you are still on a personal tour of the engine room.
  • In college you thought Spring Break was a metal fatigue failure.
  • The salespeople at Circuit City can't answer any of your questions.
  • You are always late to meetings.
  • You are at an air show and know how fast the skydivers are falling.
  • You bought your wife a new CD ROM for her birthday.
  • You can quote scenes from any Monty Python movie.
  • You can type 70 words a minute but can't read your own handwriting.
  • You can't write unless the paper has both horizontal and vertical lines.
  • You comment to your wife that her straight hair is nice and parallel.
  • You forgot to get a haircut ... for 6 months
  • You go on the rides at Disneyland and sit backwards in the chairs to see how they do the special effects.
  • You have Dilbert comics displayed anywhere in your work area.
  • You have ever saved the power cord from a broken appliance.
  • You have more friends on the Internet than in real life.
  • You have never bought any new underwear or socks for yourself since you got married.
  • You have used coat hangers and duct tape for something other than hanging coats and taping ducts.
  • You look forward to Christmas only to put together the kids' toys.
  • You own one or more white short-sleeve dress shirts.
  • You see a good design and still have to change it.
  • You spent more on your calculator than on your wedding ring.
  • You still own a slide rule and you know how to work it.
  • You think that when people around you yawn, it's because they didn't get enough sleep.
  • You wear black socks with white tennis shoes (or vice versa).
  • You window shop at Radio Shack.
  • You're in the back seat of your car, she's looking wistfully at the moon, and you're trying to locate a geosynchronous satellite.
  • You know what the geosynchronous satellite function is.
  • Your checkbook always balances.
  • Your wife hasn't the foggiest idea what you do at work.
  • Your wrist watch has more computing power than a 300Mhz Pentium II.
  • You've already calculated how much you make per second.
  • Your laptop computer costs more than your car.

~ Thanks Smurk ~


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