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Page last updated April 19, 2001
Once I worked as an operator on an old IBM 370/Model
138 mainframe at a local college. My position had been reclassified to fall into a new
area outside of the I/S staff.
One day, my new supervisor entered the room and stared
at the air conditioning unit directly behind me. He studied the two flashing lights for a
few moments and asked what job it was currently processing. I killed my career by
replying, "Actually, sir, it's cooling the room. The
computer is over here."
look!!!!! Look what it's doing!!! Can you BELIEVE this?? Why is it doing
Tech Support: "Sir, I
can't see your computer, what is it doing?"
Can't you figure it out?? LOOK AT MY COMPUTER SCREEN!!!!! You can see it,
I was doing Excel support at Microsoft (oh oh ... I
said the "M" word ... lol) shortly after Win95 came out. Someone called and
needed some help on Excel. He told me he had left the computer for a few minutes, and when
he came back, the "devil" had "possessed" his computer. He told me it
was bubbling all over the place, and the devil was in his monitor. I told him to
move the mouse. The devil left ...
... It was the screen saver !! LOL !!
Customer: "I can't seem
to send any email."
Tech Support: "What are
you doing to send it?"
Customer: "I write it
down on a piece of paper, slide it into the slot on the front of my computer, and click on
~ Thanks Smurk ~
A blonde woman went out to her mail box and looked in
it, closed it again, and then went back into her house. A few minutes later, she went out
and looked in the mail box again, then closed it and went back inside, once again
After several more trips, a watchful neighbor raking
his grass commented, "You must be expecting a very
important letter today!"
blonde woman answered, looking puzzled, "Actually I am
working on my computer, and it keeps telling me that I have mail!"
~ Thanks Dana ~
I can't send an
email ... Is the Internet full?
YOU MIGHT BE AN ENGINEER
- The only jokes you receive are through
- At Christmas, it goes without saying that you will be
the one to find the burnt-out bulb in the string.
- Buying flowers for your girlfriend or
spending the money to upgrade your RAM is a moral dilemma.
- Everyone else on the Alaskan cruise is on deck peering
at the scenery, and you are still on a personal tour of the engine room.
- In college you thought Spring Break was
a metal fatigue failure.
- The salespeople at Circuit City can't answer any of your
- You are always late to meetings.
- You are at an air show and know how fast the skydivers
- You bought your wife a new CD ROM for
- You can quote scenes from any Monty Python movie.
- You can type 70 words a minute but can't
read your own handwriting.
- You can't write unless the paper has both horizontal and
- You comment to your wife that her
straight hair is nice and parallel.
- You forgot to get a haircut ... for 6 months
- You go on the rides at Disneyland and
sit backwards in the chairs to see how they do the special effects.
- You have Dilbert comics displayed anywhere in your work
- You have ever saved the power cord from
a broken appliance.
- You have more friends on the Internet than in real life.
- You have never bought any new underwear
or socks for yourself since you got married.
- You have used coat hangers and duct tape for something
other than hanging coats and taping ducts.
- You look forward to Christmas only to
put together the kids' toys.
- You own one or more white short-sleeve dress shirts.
- You see a good design and still have to
- You spent more on your calculator than on your wedding
- You still own a slide rule and you know
how to work it.
- You think that when people around you yawn, it's because
they didn't get enough sleep.
- You wear black socks with white tennis
shoes (or vice versa).
- You window shop at Radio Shack.
- You're in the back seat of your car,
she's looking wistfully at the moon, and you're trying to locate a geosynchronous
- You know what the geosynchronous satellite function is.
- Your checkbook always balances.
- Your wife hasn't the foggiest idea what you do at work.
- Your wrist watch has more computing
power than a 300Mhz Pentium II.
- You've already calculated how much you make per second.
- Your laptop computer costs more than
~ Thanks Smurk ~
158 seconds to load -
just seems longer!