~ My Three Sons ~

There was this little old lady who was nearly blind and she had three sons who wanted to prove which one was the best son to her.

Son #1 bought her a 15 room mansion thinking this would surely be the best any of them could offer her.

 

Son #2 bought her a beautiful Mercedes with a chauffeur included thinking her would surely win her approval.

 

Son #3 had to do something even better than these, so he bought her a trained parrot that had been training for 15 years to memorize the entire Bible. You could ask of him any verse in the Bible and the parrot could quote it word for word. What a gift that would be!

Well, the old lady went to the first son and said, "Son, the house is just gorgeous but it's really much too big for me. I only live in one room, and it's much too large for me to clean and take care of. I really don't need the house, but thank you anyway."

Then she confronted her second son with "Son, the car is beautiful, it has everything you could ever want on it, but I don't drive and I really don't like that driver, so please return the car."

Next, she went to son number three and said, "Son I just want to thank you for that most thoughtful gift. That chicken was delicious."

~ thanks YSILCOX ~

~ Say What? ~

A little white guy went into an elevator. After entering he noticed a huge black dude standing next to him. The big black dude looked down upon the small white guy and said, "7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 20-inch dick, 3-pound left ball, 3-pound right ball, Turner Brown".

The little white guy fainted!!!

The big black dude picked up the little white guy and brought him to life, slapping his face and shaking him and then asked the little white guy worriedly "What's Wrong?"

The little white guy said, "Excuse me but what did you say just now?"

The big black dude looks down and repeated, "7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 20-inch dick, 3-pound left ball, 3-pound right ball, My name is Turner Brown".

The little white guy gave a huge sigh of relief and said, "Thank God, I thought you said "Turn Around!"

~ thanks DL Sanders ~

~ Spare Change ~

A policeman had a perfect spot to watch for speeders, but wasn't getting many. Then, he discovered the problem - a 10-year old boy was standing up the road with a hand painted sign which read:

"RADAR TRAP AHEAD"

The officer then found a young accomplice down the road with a sign reading "TIPS" and a bucket full of change.

~ thanks BabyBlues ~

Good girls send you home with a kiss. Bad girls don't send you home until they are done.

Good girls send you home from you first date hoping for more. Bad girls send you home from the first date with wet fingers and a tired tongue.

Good girls loosen a few buttons when it's hot. Bad girls make it hot by loosening a few buttons.

Good girls only own old fashion panties. Bad girls love to wear G strings, when they wear any panties at all.

Good girls wax their floors. Bad girls wax their bikini lines.

Good girls blush during love scenes in a movie. Bad girls know they could do it better.

Good girls think they're not fully dressed without a strand of pearls. Bad girls think they're fully dressed with just a strand of pearls.

Good girls wear high heels to work. Bad girls wear high heels to bed.

Good girls say, "Don't... Stop..." Bad girls say, "Don't Stop... Your tongue should be illegal."

~ thanks Cruel Intensions ~